The moth that was in my bedroom last night, is now in the bathroom. I’d know that sonovabitch anywhere. It was giving my dog a terrific case of panic. Then, like Rick Astley, it vanished without a trace. My dog and I thought for sure that we were playing with forces beyond our control.
The door was shut and the window was closed. Where the hell could it have gone? Thinking about our problem logically, I decided that the only answer was that, inside my bedroom, somewhere, was a portal to some other place. A place that would give refuge to any creature afraid to be swallowed by my extremely tiny rat terrier.
Then I couldn’t sleep.
I laid in bed all night thinking, that any door, even if it has a Do Not Enter sign, works both ways. Yes, this portal was a means of escape, but at any point, it could also be used by an army of small flying creatures for the purpose of a sneak attack on myself and my dog.
It was extremely warm in the room, but I lifted the bedspread up, all the way to my eyes. I scanned the room quickly, even though it was pitch black in the room. Having my eyes open was the same as having them shut!
What to do?!?!
I thought about turning on the light, but then, what if I see millions of moths, floating inches from my face, just waiting for their orders from the mothership to strike?!?!
So I listened. Eyes were open or shut. It didn’t matter. I heard buzzing and flapping all over the room. First, it was subtle, then growing louder, my heart raced and then sound of blood being pumped through my veins had become louder the bugs!
I lifted the bedspread up and screamed at my heart, “shut the fuck up, you idiot! Don’t you understand I’m trying to thwart the eminent invasion? I’m attempting to stay a step ahead of these fuckers!”
I balled fist and brought it down on my chest with great force. Repeatedly punching the outer shell that kept my heart safe. The sound just became louder and faster. I then felt something warm and wet on my skin.
First on my upper lip, then in my ears. I tried to look at it, but I was in darkness. I licked my upper lip and what I tasted was salty and metallic.
My eyes grew large in the darkness. They grew large out of fear. I lifted the bedspread up once more. “You bastard! You’re working with them!” I knew I was fucked.
My dog whimpered.
The only thing left to do was beat the bastard at his own game. I held my breath. Seconds seem to turn into minutes. I knew I was turning purple. My heart jumped wildly in its bone cage. But no, I was stronger than that red pice of shit! But I indeed felt as though I would gasp for breath at any moment.
I ripped the pillow out from under my head and shoved onto my face. My thoughts quickly went to moths. Terror creeped in. I knocked it out of the way. One crisis at a time. I can deal with those stupid flame seekers once I take care of my blasted heart!
Suddenly, the pounding stopped. I smiled. I tried to breathe, but thought against it. I had won. I was a brave man. An extraordinary American. I beat my heart and now those damn moths wouldn’t have the satisfaction of ending my life; portal or not. My dog whimpered and licked the blood from my ears.