Sam didn’t go unsane until his 24 birthday. I say “unsane” because Sam thought his sanity was sky rocketing him onto the moon. Sam thought that his sanity was the direct opposite of insane which would naturally make him unsane.
The 24th birthday of a man is sometimes a painful thing, especially when everyone leaves you all alone at your table at the Claim Jumper to go on about their business; to be busy with their lives, before you get your piece of birthday cake and when the waitress brings it out, with a couple other co-workers, singing the Claim Jumper Birthday Anthem, “Happy, happy birthday from Claim Jumper to you! Happy, happy birthday from Claim Jumper to you! HEY!” This happened to Sam on his 24th birthday.
Sam sat there all alone at the very large table, that normally Sam would be wondering what kind of wood that the table was made out of. So Sam sat at the large table in the Claim Jumper restaurant, surrounded by people who are enjoying their lunch with their families, while he blew out the single candle on top his Mudpie. When he closed his eyes to make his wish, tears rolled out of both eyes. This was his wish: “God, please let me be happy.”
On other birthdays with more candles and more family singing and cheering, Sam would wish for things like guitars, certain girls that would fall in love with him, and fame and fortune (which by the way has always been something that has eluded him). But today Sam’s only wish is that God would make him happy.
Sam then realized that his unsanity was very rapidly flowing through him. To Sam, this is a curse. Not on its own, but it is a curse because Sam was already cursed, with another curse!
The door opens and they walk through. The house is beautiful. It is old. The floors are dark hard wood and the walls are tall and white. The room was lit brightly from the sun even though it had been raining all day. When they got into the living room they noticed that the only thing in the room was a bed. It is one of those single beds with a wrought iron frame. It has a pillow in a white pillow case and a single white sheet tucked in firmly at all corners. This was peculiar for the reason that it was the only thing in the room.
The white sheer cloth curtains dance as the gentle breeze came through the open French doors. This soothed them. Made them want to jump in bed and fuck off.
The next room they entered was the kitchen. It was bare, except for the fixtures of course; an old timey kitchen with a high ceiling. This room was much colder than the main room. It has old cabinets and a sink with all the porcelain cracking off of it in big chunks with rust and mold eating through it. This room, like the one before, had a small single bed in the middle of the room. It looked like the same one. Out of curiosity, he ran into every room in the house to see if all of them had this bed in the middle of the room. His curiosity turned into fright when he found that they all did. Even the bathroom!
He started to hyperventilate. His chest tightened. He ran into the kitchen and looked out the open window. Out the window was a steep muddy slope that was about twenty five feet down from where he stood. Stacked neatly, in nice tight lines down the slope, were row, after row of matching tables and chairs. Matching!
He could not breathe. He got on his cell phone and called headquarters.
“There is no furniture! Only beds! Hello? Hello!”
He couldn’t hear anything on the other end of the phone. The silence screamed at him, pounding his brain.
“Just beds!” he waited in hopes of hearing something, anything, from the other end of the phone. “I can’t hear you!”
The silence beat him onto the floor in great volumes. That is where he fell, between the kitchen and the main room. That is where his eyes closed and his ears bled.