2 – A Brisk Morning Walk
Jonathan Kensington left his rustic, slightly secluded home, with a smile on his face. He looked down at Prince Harry, his Yorkshire Terrier, who by the way, was wearing a green and red sweater that just so coincidently matched Jonathan’s green and red scarf. Jonathan said, “Let’s go for that morning walk ‘ol chap!”
The funny thing about Jonathan is that he spoke in a proper British English accent, yet Jonathan had never been to England, nor were his parent’s from there. Nobody in Black Star Canyon knew this though. Jonathan just loved watching shows on BBC and thought that it made him sound fancier, which it did, and he also thought that people in town would find him more charming, which they also did.
Jonathan whistled while he and Prince Harry walked along the side of the road near the woods and the mouth of the canyon. “Do your business, Harry,” Jonathan said while rubbing his hands together to keep warm. His hands were clad in brown leather driving gloves. He also had on a big, gray coat and matching fedora. Another funny thing, was that it really wasn’t even chilly. This was just the look that Jonathan liked to have. In fact, Prince Harry was panting up a storm and they hadn’t even walked more than a couple hundred feet.
Harry did his business. “Aren’t you a clever little lad?” Jonathan said while walking away from the pile of dog excrement left off the road. Jonathan never picked up after his dog. He figured he didn’t have to since it was all open land and none of the other neighbors ever came through that part of the road. There were two other houses within eyesight from Jonathan’s. One was an old, dilapidated little shack down the road a bit and the other was a nicer, much bigger home, on the road above Jonathan’s. The couple that lived there were old and never really came out to socialize. Jonathan was always jealous of them though, because even though they were all living in the woods, this couple still managed to have a lustrous front yard with a well-manicured lawn and beautiful flower beds, like one you would see on the cover of some magazine.
Their walk continued, like it did every morning, with nothing more unusual than any other morning. “What a beautiful day, chap!” Jonathan said with glee through a stupid smile. He would often wish that the people of Black Star Canyon could see him in the mornings, walking and smiling and whistling. Jonathan always thought that if people did see him like this, they would think or say things like, “Wow! Look at him go!” or “I do believe that is the happiest person in all of Black Star Canyon!” In these fantasies, he would also pretend that he hadn’t heard them and just go about his morning as usual but be smiling on the inside that they noticed.
Prince Harry suddenly grabbed the scent of something and walked faster. Jonathan’s arm extended as Harry pulled harder on the leash. Harry started kicking up tiny rocks and dust onto Jonathan’s nice leather loafers. “Harry, you must calm yourself, right away,” Jonathan said sternly. “You will make us both a mess.”
And that’s when he saw her. Well, that’s when he saw her bare, naked ass, looking him right in the face. She was bent over a large rock, next to the dead trunk of a tree that had fallen over many years ago. Her legs were bruised and bloody. Her limbs seemed to be stiff and placed oddly, somewhat defying gravity. There was a large pool of muddy blood under where her feet hung.
Jonathan, being the gentleman that he was, tried to cover his mouth before the vomit exited the orifice, but the attempt was in vain as yellowy chunks and liquid projected out of his mouth through the fingers of his expensive, brown, leather driving gloves. “Bloody hell!” Jonathan tried to cry out in place of the vomit, but it just gurgled out. In the excitement of the moment, he dropped Prince Harry’s leash and Harry ran over to the girl, growling the whole way, sniffed her feet and licked them. This made Jonathan vomit again, through his disgusting, brown, leather driving gloves. Harry looked back at Jonathan with a look that said, “What a pussy,” before sniffing the pool of muddy blood and lapping it up.
“No Harry!” Jonathan yelled again through the third round of losing last night’s dinner through his fancy gloves. Harry didn’t even respond. Jonathan’s nice scarf was now also covered in bile and chunks of unidentifiable edibles.